Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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