Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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