I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
