who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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