yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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