Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
