We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
