We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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