You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
