we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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