I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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