apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
