maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
