I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
me + whiskey = a bad person
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
