I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
