Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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