I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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