Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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