I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
