just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
