shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
