If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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