If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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