So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
