if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
