Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
