be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
