just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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