Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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