Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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