yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
