12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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