I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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