You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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