I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Everclear isn't food dammit
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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