period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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