Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
