if you like me you must not know who I am
Duck Duck Cougar?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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