I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm like, not good at living.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
