sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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