guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
