TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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