i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
