She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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