Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
