my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Randomize
