so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
