I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
