So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize