Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
