I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
