wat bout pragnant strippers??
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
