Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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