I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
