Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize