i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
