Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
