Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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