I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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