Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
