i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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