sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
