let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
