Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
