Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
