Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
