when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
