Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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