I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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