how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
