This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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