Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
