Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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