Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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