I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
