i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
