Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
