Umm I'm too high to move.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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