'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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