some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
