Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
