Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
