My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
