Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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