You just made me feel so damn special
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
