to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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