Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
