If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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