To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
