I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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